The world seems to be falling off its hinges! In one way or another, this is what many people are saying about the craziness that we are seeing in the news on a daily basis. Gun violence, the increase in natural disasters, the “#MeToo” movement crying for attention to sexual harassment and assault, dissention among political parties that can’t seem to communicate well enough to keep government checkbook open, and madmen with atomic weapons are just a few of the issues causing deep cracks in the walls of our sense of safety, and contributing to an unhealthy environment in our country. This is not what we expected life to look like in America! Our expectations, in many ways, have been smashed, and when the attempts at solving these problems take so much longer than planned, or seem to be going nowhere at all, we may feel the need to jump ship in one way or another, or become complacent and choose a state of denial, adjusting to the “new normal” like you would when jumping into ocean water to go swimming.
“Oh, for the good old days!” we lament.
Marriages often go through a very similar process, with partners chanting the same laments for the good old days, not aware or willing to repair the breaches in your relational walls through Marriage Counseling.
“I want you to dance with me, to be my knight in shining armor!”
“You’re not interested in being with me, there’s no intimacy.”
“We go to work, come home, do our own thing, and repeat this day after day.”
“We barely communicate, you’re always on your phone or at the computer.”
“There’ someone else, I know there’s someone else.”
“We used to __________”. “We used to be ___________”. “We used to have so much fun!”
The same conversations. The same laments. No progress. No solutions. Just thoughts of jumping ship, in one way or another, or of acceptance of living in a cold, unhealthy environment.
Why not try Marriage Counseling, working toward a bright future, rather than trying to find solace in thoughts of the good old days? Why not try Couples Counseling, and firm up the foundation of your relationship?
Good old Gumby!
Many of you will be much too young to remember Gumby, but have your own fond old memories of the cartoons, TV shows and movies, friendships, and many other aspects of childhood that bring warmth and joy when you think about them. But, these were just the foundation of the good things to come. Expectations that Gumby or Star Wars will remain the be-all-and-end-all of entertainment would mean missing out on the advancements in acting and special effects that developed. In the same way, the fond, early memories of the way things were in your relationship should be the foundation of the good things that are to come, rather than the expectation of how things should remain.
Going through rough patches, even major ones, should be expected, but they don’t need to be cracks in your foundation that grow, if you seek Couples Counseling to help you work through them. Try to think of these rough patches as opportunities for your relationship to mature.
Like the issues in our culture mentioned previously, you can have the same old debates, without reaching solutions, wanting to pretend you can return to the good old days. Or, you can try Marriage Counseling, developing a maturity in your relationship, and a healthy environment in your home.